I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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