do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
