Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
