Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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