She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
