Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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