I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
