ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
