SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
