I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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