I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
