I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
