If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
