I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
