my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
wow bdsm is so cute
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
