dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sober January is a disaster.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
