why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I deserve this hangover.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
