you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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