i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pants are for mortals
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize