My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
