I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize