I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
