I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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