I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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