either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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