She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
