i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He shit in the fireplace
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
