i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
