yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
