So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
