You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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