Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
