its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
