I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
