You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
