I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my shit smells like andre
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
