Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
