Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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