Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
