Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
