Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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