so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
