Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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