Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
