it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
