i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
