I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
