Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize