i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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