haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
two words...techno handjob
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
