U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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