I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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