she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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