She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
