we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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