why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
