Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
