why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
