before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
