You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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