pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
