lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize