im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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