She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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