I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
