____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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