Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
