Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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