Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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