I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
