he wants to bone in the snuggie
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
