You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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