Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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