Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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