god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
