good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
