I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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